Life is Worth Living

"I hold you in my heart, for we have shared together God's blessing." Phillippians 1:7

The last blog post I shared three important steps that have helped Mark and I heal and strengthen our marriage. We cannot stress enough that God has to be made priority. Faith in God, yourself, and each other is essential when it comes to making a strong and loving marriage. We are both committed to making ourselves and our marriage better than ever.

June 30, 2021, marked the last day of Mark's IOP. It was a big step. The following are our morning texts to each other.

"Good morning to my handsome husband and forever love! 82 days sober today and your last day of your IOP. Have I ever told you how proud I am of you? Well...just in case...I am so proud of you and your commitment to sobriety. With your commitment to sobriety, also came a commitment to change yourself for the better. You inspired me to make a change in myself and together we committed to make positive changes in our marriage. God has worked miracles on the both of us individually and in our marriage. Our marriage is stronger and more loving than it has ever been and this is continuing to grow. With that I am feeling positive confident, content, and happy. My goal is to continue to spread positivity to others, teach Kalli some important life lessons tonight, and celebrate with you a huge milestone in your new life. I love you to the depths of my soul and so much more! Love your forever girl~❤️Chel"

"Hello to my beautiful wife. First, I want to tell you how much I love you and how much you have helped me in my darkest time. I don't ever want to go back there. Who knew what it would look like being sober and living life to the fullest? You are the true meaning of a success story. You are my inspiration, my life, the reason why I wake up, and why I am that man I am today. Thank you for that. My goal is to stay positive, stay on focus, and continue to get my work done. I am counting the hours until our short vacation starts. I love you always and forever-Mark"

Later that night, my friend Beve and I took Grace and Kalli to the Carrington Youth Center for a special movie "Suicide, the Ripple Effect." I had seen this documentary before as Justine and Bailee watched it in high school and I watched it during that time. After the movie, local people spoke on suicide and the effects it had on them and their families. You may ask, why I am bringing this up? I am bringing it up because our family has been affected by suicide and this was one of Mark's triggers contributing to his downward spiral into alcoholism. I am going to touch base on the subject.

On June 7, 2013, Mark's nephew (our nephew) Tim took his own life. Tim suffered from PTSD, depression, and anxiety. He was receiving help for his mental health issues and those who loved him, thought he was improving. In reality, his mental illness took over and he felt there was no other way out. He did not want to feel the way he did emotionally, so he chose to die by his own hands. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I had just gotten to Minneapolis for my niece's high school graduation. Mark had stayed at home to do some projects and he was helping his friend Jamie out when he received the devastating news. He immediately called me, and I knew I had to come right home.

Tim was Mark's oldest nephew. He was only a couple years younger than Mark and they spent an enormous amount of time together over the years. In fact, they were more like brothers. Tim was with Mark when Mark first asked me out back when I was in high school. Tim was the first person Mark called (after our parents), when we found out we were expecting our first daughter, Justine. Tim sat with us in the hospital in Bismarck after our 2nd daughter, Bailee, was born prematurely and she underwent heart surgery. We both spent many nights with Tim in Bismarck during Bailee's 3-month hospital stay in the NICU. When the 49ers went to the Super Bowl in 2013, Mark made sure to rub it in to Tim. And when the 49ers lost the Super Bowl that year, you better believe that Tim returned the favor.

A few days before Tim died, Mark's sister Jackie confided in us about Tim's struggles with mental health issues. Mark decided to make a phone call to Tim. Tim, of course, hid his feelings well and sounded upbeat. Mark let Tim know that he knew about his struggles with PTSD, depression, and anxiety. He talked to Tim about it for a long time. Tim admitted to Mark that he had thoughts of suicide, but he assured Mark that he had no plans to die and that he would never do that to his wife or daughter. Mark hung up and felt reassured. He felt good. When Mark got the call a few days later that Tim had died by his own hands, he was angry and hurt. I came home from Minneapolis and when I got home, Mark was laying in our bed in tears. I embraced him and I asked him to talk about it with me. He only would say he was angry, and he didn't want to talk about it. I laid with him in silence for hours and just held him. He would not talk about it. I begged him to talk about it with someone else if he wouldn't talk about it with me. His sisters also saw Mark struggling and we had our pastor come to our house and talk with us and pray with us. I thought maybe it helped Mark process the whole thing and made him realize that it wasn't his fault. Mark never would talk about it with me or anyone else. If I brought it up, he told me he was fine with everything, and that Tim made his choice. I believed that he was better. I believed that what the pastor had said to him had made Mark realize that in no way was it Mark's fault and nothing Mark could have done or said on that last phone call could have stopped Tim.

A favorite pic-Tim, Mark, Bailee 2005

When Mark went to treatment and began his counseling, this was one of his number one triggers that came to the surface. Mark had never properly dealt with Tim's suicide. Mark kept it held inside and the more he thought about it, the angrier and more hurt he got and the more he drank. I had no idea he was still harvesting so much anger and hurt from losing Tim. Through proper counseling, Mark has come to the realization that Tim made his own choice. Tim was sick and he felt there was no other way out. Mark knows that nothing he could have done or said could have stopped him. Tim had already made up his mind. Mark still misses Tim greatly, as we all do. But he is at peace knowing Tim is at peace and that Tim is with God.

I tell you this story because during the darkest of days, many people have suicidal thoughts. It doesn't necessarily mean they have a plan to carry it out, but many have those thoughts. I tell you this because mental health issues affect a lot of people. You don't know who is dealing with these issues. Our advice to you is to be kind to others. You don't know their struggles. A kind word, a brief smile, or a genuine "are you ok" may make the difference between a person living or dying. In this world that is so full of conflict and hatred, choose kindness.

Here is an unreleased song by Luke Combs that hits home. Enjoy!

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

1-800-273-8255 https://www.google.com/search?q=suicide+hotline&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#