Small Moments, BIG Rewards

"For this child I prayed." 1 Samuel 1:27

Do you ever look back on moments in your life and wonder, "Wow! How did we make it thought that?" "But the struggles make you stronger, the changes make you wiser, and happiness has its own way of taking its sweet time. Life isn't always beautiful but, it's a beautiful ride." Mark and I have looked back on the first 4 1/2 years of our marriage many times. We went from infertility struggles to having 2 babies in the same year, only being 8 1/2 months apart in age. We used to joke that the IRS was going to audit us because we had 2 babies in the same year so close together, but they weren't twins. We also joked, how we wish Justine and Bailee would have been twins.

Bailee Nicole beat the odds. She not only survived being a micro preemie, but she also thrived. She exceeded the expectations of everyone. Bailee got to come home from the hospital on February 20th, 1999. She spent just shy of 12 weeks in the NICU at St. Alexius in Bismarck. She got out 2 weeks before her original due date. She could have gotten out sooner, but they wanted her to be over 4 pounds. She went home weighing 4 lbs. 4 oz. Throughout her stay in the NICU, we stayed between our nephew Tim's house and the Ronald McDonald house. If you don't know what the Ronald McDonald house is, research it. It is simply amazing. We had a very special family from my hometown collect money and it covered our entire stay. Since they did that for us, we have paid it forward to others we have known that needed to use the Ronald McDonald house. We also have periodically bought frozen pizzas and other food for families staying there as we know a quick pizza is often the only thing you have time for before returning to the hospital to see your child.

Bailee Nicole’s homecoming February 20, 1999

We know how lucky we were with Bailee and her thriving in the NICU. We watched at least 3 babies die in the NICU while Bailee was there. We watched the parents as they mourned over their baby and as their babies took their last breaths. We became friends and family to other families and the NICU staff. We often brought snacks and treats to thank the staff. We celebrated with other families as their babies graduated from the NICU and we mourned with others as their babies gained their angel wings. It was a very emotional time in our life and our marriage. We had no choice but to focus on "today." We never looked back, and we tried not to think too much into the future. It's ironic that I think back and talk with Mark about that time. Everything we did during that time, is what we are doing in our lives today, focusing on today and not looking back to the past.

Bailee came home on a monitor. It measured her oxygen level and heartrate. It would alarm if her oxygen got to low or if she were to stop breathing. She never had an issue while in the hospital, but we had it as a precaution. Yep, here is another testimony of faith. One day Mark and I were in the living room visiting with his sister. Bailee was sleeping in her crib. I heard this loud voice in my head that told me to go check on Bailee right away. I sat still in my chair and the voice came to me again and told me to "go check on Bailee now." When I went into the room, Bailee was lying in her crib still. She was blue and was not breathing. The monitor was not going off, but she was blue. Tears filed my eyes, and I ran to her and shook her. She immediately turned pink and started to cry. I reached into the crib and took her into my arms and sobbed. Mark came into the room and asked what was going on. I told him. I don't think he believed me at first because she was fine by this point. I know it was God that spoke to me. I know that she would not be here if he had not spoken to me that day. I have told this story many times and I still get chills, even as I am writing this. God does not disappoint, EVER. He performs miracles every day. Bailee is living proof of a true miracle.

We did a reaffirmation of baptism for Bailee on Easter Sunday 1999, just as we had baptized Justine the year before on Easter Sunday. Our home was filled with family celebrating with us. Our family had grown in a year from the two of us to a family of four and we felt complete. The Carrington community was amazing, and we were a part of a benefit and received an outpouring of financial, emotional, and spiritual support. It felt amazing being a part of a small community that offered us the much-needed support. I had always wanted to live in a big city and be a NICU or PICU nurse. God had other plans for us. He knew we needed the support of a small community, and he gave me my NICU experience, although not the way I would have chosen to receive that experience. But I was able to familiarize myself with the NICU and all it had to offer, firsthand as a young mother.

Easter Sunday 1999

Justine learned to walk as we visited Bailee in the NICU. Justine's first word (other than mama or dada) was BABY. Justine took her first solo trip with Grandma and Grandpa Leininger to Colorado when she was only 9 months old. I remember saying good-bye to them outside of the hospital and I looked over and Mark was the one with tears streaming down his face. Some of Justine's firsts, I feel she got cheated out of, we got cheated out of it. But I can't think of it that way. God writes the story; we live it out. Justine became an awesome BIG (but little) sister. She was Bailee's protector. She was Bailee's best friend. She also became Bailee's interpreter when she started talking. We couldn't understand the gibberish, but Justine would tell us what she was saying, and she was right. They also created their own language for a time. They were entertaining to each other and to all of us around them. They also found their way into trouble. What one didn't think of the other did.

Bailee almost 1

Bailee continued to thrive. When a micro preemie is born and hits milestones, you can go by corrected age. What this means is that if Bailee was crawling at 8 months, it was 5 months corrected age. Bailee exceeded all expectations and was eating baby food by 6 months (3 months corrected age), crawling by 8 1/2 months (5 1/2 months corrected age), and walking by 13 months (10 months corrected age). We attended regular checkups with her neonatologist, and he was always in awe of "his miracle Bailee" as he called her. When she hit a year old, we celebrated with a big family party. Oh, how it could have turned out so different. We knew God had big plans for Bailee and he wasn't done with me yet either. God is good. "There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle; the other is as though EVERYTHING IS A MIRACLE." (Albert Einstein).

Bailee’s 1st birthday cake