Change is Inevitable

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, He is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17

I know that change is inevitable. I've said this before, and I will say it again, I used to embrace change with open arms. In many of my jobs people have looked at me as a leader to promote change. But, sometimes in life change is hard. Sometimes there are changes that we see coming but don't want to face them. While other times, we embrace change. Change can be a beautiful thing, but knowing this, doesn't always make it easier to face.

Watching our oldest daughters graduate high school, sending them off to college, and watching them graduate college was bittersweet. It has been some of the proudest moments in my life. Watching them succeed and spread their wings makes me even more proud. One of the hardest moments was seeing Bailee and Tristan move across the country. We all did so much together and knowing that I couldn't have spontaneous trips to Fargo or movie dates with them was hard. But oh, has it been rewarding to watch them grow in their relationship and careers.

Recently, my friend Beve accompanied me to Florida to see Bailee and Tristan. It was a better trip than I could have imagined. It was therapeutic for my soul and healing for my marriage. This was the first time in over two years that I traveled without Mark. When I first asked Beve to go and she agreed, I booked the trip. My excitement immediately turned to fear and anxiety. The first few days after booking the trip, I allowed that fear, and anxiety to overcome me. At one point I nearly canceled the trip. I asked Mark if he would go with, and he said no that I needed to do this on my own. You see, trust had been broken, and it has been so hard for me to trust him again. After much discussion and apprehension, I agreed to keep the trip and only Beve and I would go. Normally, when I travel, I am so excited to go and to plan things. I had a really hard time with this trip. I was so excited to see the kids, yet so fearful to leave Mark. Many reading this won't understand what I'm talking about. For those of you who don't understand, I am thankful that you don't. For those of you that get what I'm talking about, you understand and you know. In any case, the weeks before the trip I silently allowed my fear to consume me. Mark was amazing and sensed my fears and I finally opened up. I prayed for God to take my fears and allow me to trust. A few days prior to leaving, my fears lifted, and I had a trust for Mark that I hadn't had in over two years. I felt lighter. I finally was beyond excited to go on this trip. I had prayed for this for so long, but God's timing was perfect.

Beve and I went on our trip and the memories and laughs we all shared were amazing. It was a trip that helped heal me in ways I didn't even realize I still needed to heal in. If you follow me on Facebook, you probably saw all the things we explored. We did so much sight-seeing and ate at so many amazing places. We still have so much to do and see I do believe that we will need to return for round 2. Florida will never be the same, that is for certain! I could share hundreds of pictures and tell just as many stories. I want Beve to know that this trip meant more to me that you can even imagine. I also want Bailee and Tristan (and Destiny too) to know that I can't thank you enough for your hospitality, the laughs, and your Uber skills. Although, Beve and I are still requesting a refund since our Uber was so late picking us up at the airport. This good-bye was harder than past good-byes. I think it was so hard not only because of the amazing trip we had, but because it was the first time a fully allowed myself to feel it all. My tears were tears of sadness for leaving Bailee, yet tears of joy for the amazing time we had and for allowing myself to face my fears and trust again.

We returned safely from our trip and had to get back to reality. Prior to leaving, it was decided that we were going to move my mom into assisted living. It is the safest and best choice for her. She will be able to get 3 meals every day, housekeeping, laundry, activities, and more. Although I know this is the right choice, it has been very emotionally draining on her and me. Thank goodness my sister, Marci sensed my distress, and she flew in last week and was able to spend 5 days helping to go through mom's things and pack her up. It is another downsize, but not too bad. She was even able to help us start moving things into mom's new apartment. I am so thankful for all of Marci's help. We got so much accomplished!! Move in date will officially be June 1st.

So, as you can see, there has been a lot of change this past month and it has been very busy. I, along with Mark, are now forced to feel every bit of emotion that comes our way. It is hard sometimes, but I am so grateful to know that we have each other’s back. We can read each other better than we ever have been able to before. I think of all those years I prayed for this and thought that God wasn't hearing me, and I thought that maybe I wasn't worthy. I know that I can pray and believe everything that I pray for, but I now realize that things get answered in His timing, not mine. Change is not always easy, but in the end, often it is what was needed. I try not to make it a habit to look back, but when I do, I try to take the time to reflect on all the positive changes that have occurred. God never left me, and He never will. Embrace His timing and never stop believing.