Changing Plans

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

I know that I have shared the above verse before. I wanted to share it again because it is so inspirational, and I have leaned on this verse a lot over the past 5 1/2 months. HE gives up hope and HE gives us a future. Life changing events occur whether we expect them or not. The way we deal with these events is what counts. With the events of the past couple of years with Covid and working in Long Term Care, along with the past 5 1/2 months, I have learned so much. I have learned to appreciate and be grateful for the smallest of things. I have also learned that family means everything to me, and I will do anything to keep my family together and keep it thriving. Saying this, I have decided to resign my position as Resident Care Coordinator. Mark and I have done a lot of discussing over the past few months and together we feel this would be the best course of action for me and for our family. My mental and physical health has been an up and down battle over the past 5 1/2 months. Both have improved, but the physical ailments of multiple ulcers due to stress, are wearing on me. The added stress of Covid and the strict regulations it brings to Long Term Care are taking a toll and I need a change. I have decided to take a new position with Noridian where I will be able to work fully from home. I am hoping that finding something with less stress and more flexibility will be the answer that my health needs. Plus, I hopefully will be able to help my mom out more and help with our new granddaughter.

When I brought this up to my girls, they were all so supportive. I do have to add that Justine said she would only believe it when she sees it because she said I don't always follow through. I am not one who usually says I am going to do something and then not do it. So, I asked what she meant. She reminded me that I had applied for Nurse Practitioner school 3 times, only to back out. So, I will explain reasons for this and why God lead me in the direction I have gone. Mark and I wanted more than 2 children. I knew that I was very high risk, and I knew that I needed to do some doctoring prior to even attempting to have another baby. The doctor that delivered Bailee, suggested that I have a panel of specialized blood tests completed to see if I had anything that could have been a risk for placental abruption. I did the blood tests and it brought Mark and I into the office of a hematologist/oncologist. I apparently have 2 clotting disorders: factor V Liden and protein S deficiency. This makes me a huge risk for blood clots. However, I have never had a blood clot. The specialist ran more tests, and it was decided that even though I had both clotting disorders, it should in no way make me an increased risk for placental abruption. I was given the go ahead to try and get pregnant.

Justine and Bailee January 2000

We started trying around the summer or fall of 2000. We really didn't make any extra efforts as we were content with Justine and Bailee. We also had the unpleasant remembrance of the infertility treatments that we had endured to have Justine. My brother got married in May of 2000. We were close and he and his wife waited a bit so we could try and have a baby around the same time. Well, they had their first baby together in June of 2002. Fine, we will try this again. Maybe their second Baby and our next baby will be born around the same time. No such luck. They had their second child in May 2004. No luck on our part in becoming pregnant, but we still were not interested in going to an infertility doctor to help us out. The end of summer I applied for nurse practitioner school, and I got in. I honestly was not expecting to get in, but I did. So, I talked with Mark and told him that my 30th birthday was approaching fast. I told him that I got into NP school, and I said to him, we need to decide. 1. I go back to school to become a nurse practitioner and quit actively trying to have a baby or 2. we scratch me going back to school for now and seek out the help of an infertility doctor. In our discussion, Mark said he really wanted another child. Together we made the decision to hold off on school and get help to have another baby.

We started seeing a fertility specialist in Bismarck in January 2005. They first rechecked all the normal things (hormone levels, etc.). Since we had to do IUI (Intrauterine Insemination) with our first baby, the doctor decided to go ahead and try this, but do so without taking fertility medications. We did this for 2 months (February and March) and no luck. The doctor decided to up the game and try Clomid as this is one of the medications that I took previously to get pregnant. April didn't bring any luck. We did IUI again in May and much to our surprise, it worked! We were pregnant! Because of my history, we had a high-risk doctor in Bismarck that we had spoken to, and she agreed to take on our case even prior to getting pregnant. I took daily Progesterone shots (until reach 12 weeks) along will daily injections of Heparin (blood thinner-took entire pregnancy) due to my clotting disorder. Within weeks of becoming pregnant, I had a lot of morning sickness, and I was wearing maternity clothes by 9 weeks. I thought this was strange but chalked it up to being a 3rd pregnancy. We had gotten a new camper that spring and the "new camper smell" triggered me every time. Mark would unlock the camper and have me take a deep breath and I'd get sick and then be fine the rest of the weekend.

At about 14 weeks I was at work, and I felt something wet. I went to the bathroom, and I was bleeding. I tried not to freak out. I called Mark and I went home, and he took me to the hospital. They immediately did an ultrasound and we discovered we were pregnant with twins. I thought Mark was going to faint. Both babies had heartbeats, but one was measuring somewhat smaller than the other. I had sporadic bleeding for the next couple of days, but my OB doctor told me to monitor it and go back if it increased. I had an appointment the next week with her. When we went in for our appointment, I was 15 weeks. Another ultrasound was performed and one of the babies had died in utero. The other baby still had a strong heartbeat and was measuring as should be. We were sad to lose a baby, but happy the other one was thriving. I was told to return in 4 weeks. At my 19-week appointment, things took a drastic turn.