Choosing to Celebrate

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of others." Philippians 2: 3-4

It's that time of the year. The time of the year that often gets misconstrued. Many people focus on the gift giving and receiving. This time of year, has become so commercialized and most of us are guilty of taking in all of the glitz and glamour that is exposed. Participating in the commercialization and glitz and glamour is something that brings people joy and happiness. But, for some, it also can bring a lot of unneeded and unwanted stress and pressure. The pressure to buy the perfect gift or the pressure to make the perfect Christmas meal.

This time of year, can be so difficult for many people. Many people suffer from increased depression and anxiety around the holidays. They may have increased mental health issues because they are lonely or maybe they are missing a loved one that is no longer here. I haven't truly celebrated Christmas in several years. I was terribly ill with pneumonia Christmas 2015. Then my dad died 10 days later. I have spent the past several Christmas' trying to elude it without letting my family know. A couple of years we went on tropical get-a-ways. Not that we didn't enjoy the time away, but honestly it was a time for drinking. Yep, I am admitting it. I knew if we went away to an all-inclusive resort I could drink and forget altogether about Christmas (per say). I was also feeding into Mark's alcoholism by being an enabler and joining in.

Who did this hurt? My family is who it hurt. I especially feel like Kalli got cheated out of the true meaning of Christmas over the past years. I'm not saying we haven't celebrated at all. In 2018 we went to California and celebrated Christmas with Marci and Bruce. That was the only Christmas I can truly remember over the past six years. I can say that we did celebrate that year and it felt good. It was also before Mark went into his downward spiral and alcoholism took over his life. I don't even remember him taking a drink during that entire week. Maybe that is what I want to remember, but in any case, it was an awesome Christmas celebration.

San Diego Christmas 2018

We have all probably suffered a loss over the years that makes the holidays difficult. Just because we suffered this loss doesn't mean we have to stop celebrating. We can remember our loved ones and be glad we had the years with them. We can rejoice that they are celebrating every day in the arms of Jesus. They have the best seat in the house, and they are celebrating with Jesus himself. Thinking about that, brings a smile to my face. I can see my dad with his parents, his nephews, and his friends. I can see him with a huge smile on his face, shaking everyone's hand and greeting them with a hug. I can see him giving a huge speech at the celebration of Jesus' birth. I was too wrapped up trying to elude my own grief and trying to hide the fact that my family was imperfect, hurting, and in trouble to see what was in front of me the whole time. What was in front of me was and always has been God. I also had a family that loved me unconditionally. I am joyful that the picture is clear again. I clearly see and feel the love our family has for one another. I can also see and feel the miracles God has worked on all of us. He is amazing and He never gave up on us, even when we gave up on ourselves. Jesus IS and has always been the true reason and meaning of Christmas. Let's celebrate Him. It is because of Him that we are saved, and our sins are forgiven

This year, I choose to forgo the stress and pressure and I choose enjoy the moment. Do I have a plan? Not really. Do I know what we are eating? No, I don't. All I know is that every one of my children, their significant others, my granddaughter, my mom, Mark, and me are all going to be together. That is all I need to know. No amount of planning, gift giving, or whatever can replace the joy I feel just knowing that our family is going to be together. I know that this could have easily been a different scenario. I am proud of how far Mark has come. I am proud of how far I have come. I am also proud how far we have come as a couple. Our lives and our marriage are a constant work in progress, but it is so worth it.

There are many people out there that will be celebrating their first Christmas without their loved ones. To any of you that this rings true, may you feel comfort knowing that your loved one is celebrating with Jesus. They are safe in his arms. And, if they didn't know my dad before Heaven, I guarantee they know him now. May all of you find joy this holiday season. May all of you celebrate like there is no tomorrow. May all of you enjoy the small things and let go of the things you cannot control. May all of you give more than is expected, love more than seems wise, serve more than seems necessary, and help more than is asked. May you all have a blessed holiday season. Remember, amidst the pain, you can find joy. You may have to search a little harder, but I promise, it is there.

Christmas in Heaven

Let me share with you,

What I know you need to hear.

I'm spending Christmas in Heaven

So, you need not shed a tear.

In glorious praise to God,

Angels and saints are singing.

Joyous love and peace are shared.

While choirs of bells are ringing.

My heart is filled with wonder.

Oh, how I wish you could see.

A Christmas celebration beyond imagination

Which His family welcomed me.

Now love and keep each other,

Don't shed a tear for me.

This Christmas I am with Jesus

Where I was meant to be.