Emotional Triggers; I Am Only Human

“But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.“~Philippians 3:13-14

What triggers your emotions? I am referring to emotional triggers, also known as mental health or psychological triggers that can initiate intense negative emotions. The emotions can be unexpected and often feel more severe than what the trigger would logically call for. Some things that can bring on emotional triggers are memories, objects, people, rejection, betrayal, loss of control, criticism, insecurity, and feeling smothered. Triggers can come out of no where and bring on negative emotions. These negative emotions often come out in the form of anxiety. The key is to accept your emotions and don't deny or ignore them because it will make it worse.

This past week we have had illness go through our family. Eight out of the 13 of us that went to Florida ended up sick. A few caught Covid and the rest of us have sinus infections/bronchitis. I was one who got sick, not with Covid. I got sicker than I wanted to admit but I did go into the doctor and get antibiotics. I felt tough but tried to not let others know just how tough I felt. It was hard to hide the severe congestion, constant annoying cough, and hoarse voice. We went to the lake. I went ahead of Mark and did a few things. By the time Mark came, we are both sure I had a fever. Not much I could do but treat the symptoms. I barely slept on Thursday due to my coughing. Friday night, my sleep wasn't any better.

Saturday was a gorgeous day and our entire family of five (plus Paislee) were at the lake. I was too sick to go fishing with Mark and that really bothered me. My girls were around, and I know that they wanted me to stay with them. We did spend time outside then Kalli watched Paislee so Justine, Bailee, Grace, and I could go play Bingo. We had fun, but I felt tough. That evening we had a bon fire. I had drunk several cups of various hot liquids to ease my cough and congestion. I was trying so hard to hide how tough I felt. By the time I went to bed on Saturday, I already knew that my illness and lack of sleep was getting the best of me. I knew that I was in trouble emotionally but chose to keep it to myself. Maybe if I ignored it and wished it away, it would disappear.

That night I got a couple of hours of sleep at best, and I had my first nightmare in months. Paislee didn't have a great night and Mark was up with her early. I stayed in bed. Again, I was trying to ignore my emotions when all the while it made everything much worse. Sunday was an emotional roller coaster and I have no one to blame but myself. I was anxious and not myself at all. Little things bothered me that I normally would be able to brush off. By the time I opened up to Mark, I was a wreck. In my haste to admit my emotions to myself; I mistakenly thought Mark would be able to sense how I was feeling and "come to the rescue." I know that Mark is not a mind reader, although he has gotten good at reading me by simply examining my body language. He knew that I wasn't doing so well, and he asked me about it, and I told him I was fine, didn't feel well, and to just go. So, knowing that, how did I expect him to rescue me. He already tried and I rejected him. He gave me an out and allowed me to talk, but I instead shut him down.

I wasted an entire day. It was a beautiful day outside. Don't get me wrong, I did things but did them only half-heartedly and I chose to distance myself. I prayed to God several times to take my hurt and anxiety away. I prayed for him to help me. Guess what? Looking back, God sent several people my way to talk to me that day, but I chose to shut them down and tried to convince them that I was fine. He answered my prayers, but I chose to ignore His answers. "When we pray, God hears more than we say, answers more than we as, and gives more than we imagine....in His own time and His own way."

Don't worry, it all came to a head complete with gut wrench crying. I did not have a panic attack, but it could have easily escalated into one. You may ask why I am telling you all of this. Well, I want you to know that despite all the hard work I have done over the past year plus, I still struggle at times. I also want you to know that my "bad" days are much fewer and further between. I had all the tools provided to me and I chose to ignore them, ultimately escalating my negative emotions. I also did not accept my emotions and I denied and tried my best to ignore them. By doing this, it made it worse. I not only affected myself, but I also affected those around me. What I thought I was able to hide, instead was read by all and affected those around me. Moral of the story: listen to your emotions. Know your triggers and do your best to accept your emotions and work through them. Also, when you think others can read your mind, they ultimately can't. When help is offered, take it instead of ignoring it.