Essential Communication

“Do not doubt in your heart but believe what you say will happen and it will be done for you.” Mark 11:23

Communication is important in any relationship. When communicating in marriage, it is extremely important to be both open and honest. Without these two aspects, marriages can become strained, and couples can pull away from one another. Being both open and honest promotes a healthy marriage. In our marriage, we had begun to pull away from each other over the past couple of years. Mark was drinking more and due to this, I pulled away in fear. He pulled away because he needed to get his fix and he sensed me pulling away. Many factors played into this such as stress at work, children, aging parents needing us more, etc. This list can go on and on. We both felt we were being pulled in many different directions and we failed each other. We failed to be open and honest with one another. We failed to effectively communicate with one another. We failed by doubting our faith. We failed because we did not have God as a big part of our marriage. Even though we felt like we failed each other and our marriage, we never stopped loving one another. We chose to both fight for our marriage and renew it. We did this by putting God first in our marriage and by vowing to be nothing but open and honest with one another. Marriage is hard work, but when you put God first, he will fight for you. He will not leave you.

June 2019

The next several days were uneventful, yet busy. Mark continued with Lionrock 3 days a week for 3 hours a day. He continued to have a lot of assignments to complete. Many in his group had been a part of Lionrock for several months. However, many also did this versus any inpatient treatment. Mark and his counselor knew he would be a part of Lionrock for around 6-12 weeks. Mark worked hard and he completed 1-2 assignments every session to stay ahead of the game. He continued with his weekly counseling sessions as well. In one of these counseling sessions, the counselor told Mark about a book the two of us needed to read. She had him write it down and when he came to tell me about it, he lost where he had written it (more about this next post)! We continued to text our daily attitude/feelings and goals. The words we texted and said to each other were what was getting us through each day. These words were helping to rebuild our marriage. We also made sure that we were doing things together. We watched movies with each other and our friends, Beve and Aaron. We went fishing together, shopped together, etc. We did this because we wanted to be with each other as much as possible. It was (and still is) like when we first were married.

2019-last day with our Hunter

Even being together a lot, I still had days where I struggled with anxiety and the tears freely flowed. The following is part of my journal entry for May 30th, 2021. "Today for some reason I started out feeling sad. I could not control my tears. I tried to hide them from you, but you can read me better than you have ever been able to read me. You held me and then we went for a walk. It made me feel better. I feel more at peace. I felt like I wanted to run. Maybe you won't see my hurt if I run. Maybe I can run from my hurt. But you looked at me and told me "It's ok. You need to feel." Thank you for helping me through my tough times and thank you for praying with me."

June 1, 2021, I had a 3rd session with my counselor. I was so proud of myself because I was extremely positive throughout the session, I didn't shed a tear, and I shared my testimonies of faith to her. It was an awesome session. She reassured me that I was definitely headed in the right direction and she felt both Mark and I were doing well working on our marriage. I went home and told Mark all about and he told me how proud he was of me. "Love never gives up!" 1 Corinthians 13. I asked Mark to remind me of these types of days when I have a bad day. And you better believe he does.

You see, I started out by having a lot of bad days, but slowly the bad days are lessening. I'm not saying I don't have a bad day now and then, but it is less. Have I still had anxiety/panic attacks? Yes, I have. In fact, in the past few weeks I've had 2 bad attacks. The kind where I can't catch my breath, my chest hurts, I'm sobbing, I vomit, and I am ready to pass out. Twice so bad that Mark briefly contemplated taking me the hospital or told me he was going to if I couldn't stop. It's scary. I feel out of control. The only thing that honestly helps me is Mark. He will get right in front of my face and make me look at him and he will eventually talk me down where I am able to breathe and compose myself. He will run a bath and hold me. That is unconditional love. I don't wish this on anyone. I have new respect for my friends and family that suffer from anxiety attacks.

”Say to those that have an anxious heart, Be strong, fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you.” Isaiah 35:4

June 2nd, 2021

"Today I again felt at peace and so optimistic. That feeling is amazing. I know it's not even been 2 months, but when I look back and see how much we have both grown, I feel it is truly amazing. We are on the same page, and we want the same thing. I completed my 4th step today and will complete with 5th step with my counselor in a couple weeks. It's a tough step and a true eye opener. I read through my 4th step with you. Nothing was a surprise. I again feel like a weight was lifted off me and it has given me a sense of peace and freedom. "I have found the one whom my soul loves." Song of Solomon 3:4. I am so proud of you, and I am proud of us."

By this time, we had completed days 22-26 of the “Dare to love” challenge. Nothing significant sticks out. We both told each other on day 22 “I choose to love you every day. Period.” Day 23 is removing any addictions and Mark had already removed alcohol. Day 25 we forgave each other and ourselves again for anything from the past (even though we had already done this, we chose to forgive again). Day 25 I had basically done with my 4th step and Mark had done this too.