Every Day is a Gift

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So, we fix our eyes not on what it seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. Corinthians 4:17-18

Every day is a new day. It is a chance to start fresh, start over. Some days can be hard to wake up with a positive attitude, especially if you had a bad day the day before. Mark and I always say before we fall asleep (especially if it has been a trying day), "tomorrow is a new day." I also had a boss who started every day by saying, "Let's make today a great day." If you had a chance to better yourself and therefore improve your quality of life, wouldn't you do it? Wouldn't you at least give it a shot? If you improve yourself, you will improve your relationships with those around you, especially those close to you such as your spouse and children. That is what Mark and I are trying to do. We are trying to make positive changes individually and in our marriage. You cannot have one without the other. You must commit to make individual positive changes in order to make positive changes to occur in your marriage.

Some days I struggle more than others and Mark has a lot more positive days than me. When I am having or have had a bad day, he makes it his goal to turn me around. The old Mark (past 2 years) would have acted somewhat concerned and then maybe blown me off after a while as he really didn't want to hear about my emotional issues. He didn't want to hear about them because secretly he was struggling horribly with his own emotional issues. My issues triggered his emotional traumas and made him drink even more. Sobriety and faith in God have totally changed Mark into a different man, a better man. His positive changes inspired me to make changes in myself. I knew that if we both didn't commit to change together, we would only grow apart.

It helps to have a supportive family and friends. Our kids support us every step of the way, as do our close friends. "Good friends help you find important things when you have lost them...things like your smile, your hope, and your courage." Our kids sometimes actually make fun of our positive attitude and other things we've learned along the way. But we know that we are teaching them something very valuable that they hopefully will use the rest of their life. We hope they learn from our mistakes. We hope that by us making amends with them and reiterating that what we did as parents over the years, in regards to drinking, was wrong and should have never occurred and it is not a part of a "normal" family.

The 4th of July weekend 2021 was one to remember. We spent it at the lake with our girls and good friend Beve and Aaron. Off and on that weekend, I struggled with anxiety. I would be fine one minute and crying the next. There was a dance next door at our lake. I didn’t' want to go. I was nervous that once Mark saw all the lake crowd together drinking that he may get to urge to drink. We decided to go over to the dance. Within 10 minutes I was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. Mark reassured me that he had no cravings and that he had no intentions to drink. I nearly had another panic attack thinking about it. I left and Mark followed. He held me and looked at me in the eyes and told me that he loved me and nothing and no one was going to make him drink. He told me that it was time to face our fears head on. He said we needed to face the lake crowd and show them that we are strong, and we don't need alcohol to have a great time. We returned to the dance and stayed for the whole thing. We danced many times, and you know what, we had fun. We both faced our fears that night and it was something that we needed to do.

Aaron, Beve, Me, Mark

The Crew

The remainder of the weekend we played tons of games, ate, took the kids on the lily pad, ate some more, fished, and we ate even more. We continued to text each other daily our attitude/mood and goals even though we were together the whole weekend. By doing this, we are building each other up. We always make it priority and we commend one another for the positives. For example, on the 4th of July, Mark texted the following to me.

"My dearest Chel, I am so proud of you. The reason is I was able to confront you and calm you down so we could enjoy the evening together. I had an amazing night with you. You are my everything."

"My dearest Mark, thank you for calming me down. Sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me, but you proved to me that I can overcome it. I had a good night with you and our friends. Love you to Maui and back."

It feels good when someone, especially someone you love, tells you that they are proud of you. A text like what I shared, makes my day, and can set the tone for the entire day. If you and your spouse haven't started texting each other every morning with your attitude/feelings and goals for the day, I encourage you to start doing this. It has been so beneficial and healing for our marriage. You can add to the text what you are thankful or grateful for if you wish. After our nightly reading or just before we go to bed, we say what we are thankful/grateful for. "Showing gratitude is one of the simplest, yet most powerful things humans can do for each other. Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance." Everyone has something to be grateful for. When you express gratitude daily, your whole attitude begins to change. "In everything give thanks." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

It was after this weekend that Mark and I talked, and I officially began this blog. It has been so therapeutic to write. Alcoholism (or any other addiction) and marriage problems are nothing to be ashamed of. We want to be open and honest with everyone and share in our struggles and rejoice in our victories. We are hoping that our stories so far have inspired even one person or one couple to make a positive change in their life. We got amazing responses after the first blog post. I am not ashamed of Mark or his addiction. In fact, I am very proud that he admitted his addiction and received the help that he needed, Addiction is an ongoing battle and Mark will fight this battle every day, and I will stand behind him and be his biggest cheerleader. I want to share the text Mark sent to me the morning after the first blog post was published.

"My dearest Chel, I just wanted to tell you that I love you with everything I have. I want to tell you how inspired I am with everything you do. I think every day I am going to try and ask you what positive things you did because you are simply changing a lot of peoples' thoughts on life with your words and actions. My goal is to get through my meetings and get some projects completed and stay focused on today, not yesterday or tomorrow, just today. We are stronger than ever as a couple and I pray every day that we continue to grow old together. You are my one and only. I am more focused now than I have ever been, and I do see a clearer picture on life and on us. I am deeply sorry for the pain I caused you, but I am not that man anymore. I pray that you are having an amazing day. With that, I love you always and forever."

This was July 8th, 2021 and Mark was officially 90 days sober. Every day is a gift, but every day that Mark is sober is an even more special gift.

The Girls

Mark and Avery