Facing Trauma

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God." Phillipians 4:6

Let's talk about triggers. No, I am not talking about triggers as in the noun definition (like on a gun). I am talking about triggers in the verb sense. The definition of a trigger that I am referring to is the "cause (an event or situation) to happen or exist" (web). A trigger is a reminder of a past trauma and it can cause an overwhelming feeling of anxiety, depression/sadness, or even panic. If you don't deal with a trauma (past or present), triggers can occur and cause worsening of the symptoms I mentioned above. When the symptoms worsen, some people turn to negative behaviors as a result. Some people sink into a great depression and become more isolated. Some people take out their emotions on those they love the most; they may argue more, say things that hurt those they love, or they may even turn to physical violence. Others may turn to alcohol or drugs to numb their pain. What they do not realize is that if the initial trauma was/is not dealt with, it will only build up and make matters worse. The trauma must be dealt with or eventually it will eat at you and make you sink lower and lower into a dark hole.

In February 2007, Mark and our daughter Bailee (8 years old at the time) got into a horrific and deadly car accident. The two of them were heading to Devils Lake to go fishing early in the morning. Bailee was always the one who wanted to hang with her dad and go fishing. Secretly I think she wanted to go fishing with him because he always loaded her up with any snack she wanted. On their way to Devils Lake, they came to the Oberon turn; Mark and Bailee were heading north. A car ran the stop sign and attempted to cross 281; they were heading east/west. Mark was unable to stop and he t-boned the car. The car had four Native Americans in it-2 women and 2 men. Mark ended up in the ditch but did not roll over. What saved his pickup from not rolling over was the fact he was pulling a 4-wheeler on a trailer and the trailer caught under his wheel well and this is what prevented the pickup from rolling over. The other car rolled and ended up in a ditch across the road. The two woman were in the front seat and the two men were in the back seat. The two women were trapped in the front seat with serious injuries snd required the jaws of life to be extracted. The two men were ejected from the vehicle and onto the highway. The airbags in the pickup deployed and saved Mark and Bailee. Mark made sure Bailee was alright and he had her sit beside the pickup as he went onto the road. When he walked onto the highway, he saw the men lying on the road. It was obvious one was deceased. The other was still alive and moaning loudly. Another vehicle stopped shortly after and Mark took Bailee to their vehicle to sit in it. He shielded her from the sight of the men on the road.

Bailee 2008

Mark called me and was nearly hysterical. He told me what happened and I called my brother-in-law and he came and picked me up so we could go to the scene. Several ambulances came to the site. In the end, the two men ended up dying and the two women were sent to hospitals with life-threatening injuries, but they did survive. The woman driving was 4 times the legal limit for blood alcohol. She was more than drunk. They had been on an all night bender and this is how it ended at 8 am. As I arrived on the scene, both vehicles were still there. There were beer cans and other debris from the car scattered throughout the road and ditch. It was a sight that I will never forget. So, how could Mark ever forget this site? He lived it. He saw two men die that day and he and Bailee so easily could have been severly injured or died that day also. Mark and Bailee ended up with some contusions to their chin from the airbags and Mark had whiplash. I remember praying to myself all the way to the accident site. God spared their lives that day. He had bigger and better plans for them.

I asked Mark to talk about the accident and he refused. He said he was fine. Several times after the accident I could hear Mark crying in the bedroom or bathroom where he thought no one could hear him. I confronted him and he continued to tell me he was fine. He refused to talk to a pastor or any sort of counselor. I begged him to go, but again he insisted he could handle it on his own. He wouldn't even talk to me about it. He held it in. As you can guess, this accident ate away at Mark. He would think about it now and then and he would become more angry and this caused him to drink more. Bailee stopped doing two of the things she loved the most after the accident. She stopped fishing with Mark and she stopped riding horse. I was going to get Bailee some counseling to make sure she was alright and to get her to talk about it. Mark refused. He said that she didn't need to be reminded of the accident and if she wanted to talk, she could talk to him. He refused to let her "relive" the trauma. Mark relived this trauma nearly every time he passed the Oberon turn on the way to Devils Lake (sometimes passing this site several times a week). He never dealt with it and it ate away at him more and more, even as the time passed. The Oberon turn and reliving that accident was a trigger for Mark. He tried desperately to drink his pain away, only to make it worse. When Mark went to Hazelden for rehab, he finally dealt with this trauma. He harvested a lot of guilt for this accident. It so easily could have turned out different. Mark and Bailee could gave been severely injured or either of them could have died. Mark knows that he did not cause the accident and in no way were the deaths of those men his fault. He also had to forgive the driver of the car. Mark realizes that over the past several years, he so easily could have caused an accident as he drove intoxicated almost every day. God spared Mark and Bailee that early February morning. God had bigger and better plans for the both of them. Miracles occurred that winter morning. There is no reason that the trailer caught the wheel well and prevented them from rolling over. Neither Mark nor Bailee were wearing a seat belt. Bailee had just taken hers off to put on her snow pants. The first car to come on the scene took Bailee in their hand and placed her in their car to keep warm and shielded her from the destruction outside. I believe that person was sent by God. The only reason they were not severly injured or worse is that they were saved by God’s grace. Miracles occur ever day and a miracle occurred that early morning in February, 2007. It was not their time to go. Mark is only beginning his new life and I believe, we believe, in this chapter is where he will find his true calling. Bailee has already begun her calling. She is currently a senior at the University of Jamestown majoring in nursing. She hopes to work in an ICU setting for a year and return to school to become a CRNA (Cerified Registered Nurse Anesthesist).

Bailee and Mark October, 2020

This is a beautiful song and the words are amazing! Please take the time to listen. “Rescue” by Lauren Daigle.