Faith Over Fear

"The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and he helps. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him." Psalm 28:7

How many of us let fear overtake us? It is so easy to do. We often don't try something for fear of failure or fear of rejection in some way. Maybe we don't apply for that job we really wanted for fear we may not get it. Maybe we don't go on that trip with our family for fear it will cost too much. Maybe we don't go on that date with someone for fear of rejection. Maybe we don't stick up for someone or something we know is right because we fear retaliation, harassment, or rejection. It is so easy to let fear overcome us. I, myself am so guilty of letting fear consume me at times. There are days when I wake up and everything seems fine and then the next minute, anxiety hits and a great fear overcomes me.

Fear is far too common, and it can be overcome. I know, it is often easier said than done. Fear can lead to depression, anxiety, and even panic attacks. When an acute episode of fear or anxiety overcomes you, follow the rule of 3. I was taught this when I went to counseling. First, you look around and name three things that you can see. Then, name three sounds that you can hear. Finally, you move three parts of your body (such as your fingers, toes, ankle, or arm). It may sound strange, but it works. It helps calm you and bring you back to the present moment. I was taught to practice this even when I did not feel anxious. I had forgotten all about this until recently.

The other night Mark and I were talking. I am still suffering from anxiety and have had an occasional panic attack. I have done a lot of thinking as to why I still am suffering from anxiety. I realize that I still have great fear. I greatly fear rejection and I fear getting hurt. I used to be such a confident person and with events of the past year, I lost a great deal of my confidence. Mark told me that he sees me so confident in my new job. He told me that I need to apply this confidence in my everyday life. I thought a long time about what he said. Why am I feeling confident in my new job but not other aspects of my life? Why do I easily become anxious when I have quiet moments? The answer is simply that I am allowing fear to overwhelm me, and this is permitting my anxiety to materialize.

Every day I pray for God to ease my anxiety and it has greatly decreased. However, I would have thought that by now I would be able to ween off the antianxiety medication that I was prescribed back in July. I know at this time; it would not be a good idea and both Mark and I feel that it could be detrimental to my health. I know there is no shame in taking medication for anxiety, depression, or any other mental health issues. Why do I feel the need to justify it? I have repeatedly told my children and others that I know that taking medication for mental health is no different than taking medication for regulating your blood pressure or thyroid. Yet here I am trying to rationalize my own need for the medication.

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Some days I look in the mirror and I don't recognize the face that is staring back at me. Some days my reflection feels like a stranger. Often, the reflection I see in the mirror is not someone I recognize any more. Sometimes I see a shell of who I used to be. However, the other day, I looked in the mirror and I stared at my reflection for a long time. I looked intently at my reflection, and I began to cry. I saw myself for the first time in a long time. I recognized the person staring back at me who has been desperately trying to fight her way back. When I saw this, I immediately texted Mark. He said he has seen me more and more every day and he has always believed in me. I know this sounds corny to a lot of people, but some of you reading this might understand what I am talking about. When you are so overcome with depression, anxiety, grief, or tragedy it is far too common to experience what I described above.

So, how do I deal with this and appear so positive to others? I must fight hard every single day. But I know that I must fight hard through the bad days to earn the best days of my life. I do this with faith. I have faith in God that he will see me through. Having faith in God is not in and of itself enough. I realize I must also have faith in myself. Without faith, the future would seem dark and grim. Faith is what has seen me through thus far and faith is what will carry me through the rest of my days on this earth. I need to have faith over fear.

How do I achieve faith over fear? I choose it. I choose it every single day. No matter how I feel inside, I will do my darnedest to choose faith and positivity. Even though it may be hard, I choose my emotions. No one else controls how I feel, only me.

Some days I am very hard on myself. I feel like a failure as a wife, mother, and person. When we were in Hawaii, the ocean literally took over $1000 from me. First, Mark and I went snorkeling. I never take my earrings out. I have sensitive ears and always wear good and unfortunately expensive earrings. Mark had given me a beautiful pair of rose gold diamond earrings for Christmas. I didn't even think about taking them out before snorkeling. Well, I lost them and another diamond earing. We went back to look and did find one earing-but the other earrings are forever lost. I felt horrible. I had tears. Mark sat me down and looked at me intently. He asked me, "Did either of us get hurt today?" I said, "No." He then asked, "Did either of us die today?" I said, "Of course not." He then said, "Listen Chel, we are both here, alive and well. Those earrings can be replaced, but we cannot be replaced." He continued, but saying, "Count your blessings. The ocean may have swallowed your earrings, but it did not swallow us. Now, cheer up and thank God for all of the good in our life." Good advice. The next day we were in the ocean and a wave took my sunglasses. Mark, looked at me and said, "Chel, do I need to remind you what I said yesterday?" Needless to say, he did not need to remind me. Things are replaceable, we are not replaceable.

What am I getting at? There are days that I don't always believe in myself, but Mark always makes sure to tell me that he ALWAYS believes in me. When someone else believes in you, it does make it a bit easier to believe in yourself. I am telling you to take the pills for your mental health if they help you. There is no shame in it. I am telling you to fight every day to be who you want to be. I am telling you that only you can choose who you are and how you feel. I am telling you that faith over fear always wins. I am telling you that despite a bad moment or day, there are better days coming, I promise. I am telling you that there is always hope. I am telling you that there is such a thing as unconditional love and if you feel no one can give this to you, I am here to tell you that you are wrong. God always gives us unconditional love, always. I am here to tell you that you must love yourself before you can truly love others. I am here to tell you that with every being in my body, I believe in you. Now go kick some butt today because you deserve it!