Fear Not

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

Our new granddaughter Paislee Mae

Have you ever had someone look at you with fear in their eyes? I'm talking about the kind of look that you know that something is seriously wrong without them even speaking. This has occurred many times in my pregnancies. Mark and I were at the doctor’s office for our 19-week checkup. This included an ultrasound. The ultrasound tech had a look of worry and fear on her face, but we could tell she was trying so hard not to say anything. She did ask if we wanted to know the sex of the baby and of course we said yes. She told us that we were having another girl. After our ultrasound, we met with our doctor. She came in with a look of despair. She told us that our baby girl was measuring significantly behind where she should be. She said that normally she would not think much about it and just change the due date. She said she knew the dates were on because we had IUI, and we had more than 1 early ultrasound that confirmed dates. Our doctor was very concerned, and she referred us to a perinatologist in Minneapolis to do a specialized ultrasound and to do more specific testing to see if our baby had other things genetically wrong with her that hadn’t been picked up thus far. We found ourselves in downtown Minneapolis within a few weeks. The doctor had performed some blood tests and a specialized ultrasound that wasn’t available in North Dakota yet. After those were done in the morning, we met with the doctor in the afternoon for the official results. Honestly, neither Mark nor I were nervous. We had already discussed that no matter what we found out, we were going to roll with it. The doctor came in and stated that all our test results came back fine. He said the ultrasound and blood tests did not indicate any genetic issues. He did remind us that these tests were not 100% effective and he said he had to give us the option to terminate our pregnancy if we wished. We both said, “Absolutely not!” He went on to say that our baby girl was measuring extremely small. He said that she was measuring 21 weeks and I was currently 23 weeks pregnant. He said she had what was called IUGR-Inter Uterine Growth Restriction. He said that some how she was not getting the proper nutrients through the umbilical cord. He suggested that I consider taking Viagra as it was newly being tested on pregnant moms for this exact reason, but he said there were no long-term studies. We declined. He had me start taking organic ground flax seed every day as he stated that many take this for high cholesterol and it is supposed to help increase the blood flow. So, for the remainder of my pregnancy, I took ground flax seed faithfully every morning. I had an appointment with my regular OB at 24 weeks. She told us that from now on she was going to have an ultrasound performed at every visit to check the baby’s growth. I went in and baby girl seemed to be fine. Although she was measuring at 21 ½ weeks and I was 24 weeks. The doctor wanted me to come back in 3 weeks. This would put us the week before Thanksgiving. She asked me to go on bed rest. I begged her not to have me do this. She agreed for me to do a modified bed rest. This meant that I could go to work and try and stay off my feet as much as possible and when I was off work, I was to be in bed. Looking back, how dumb. I worked 12-hr nursing shifts and was on my feet all the time. There was no way to avoid it. I tried to do medication passes with a rolling chair, but this didn’t work so well. I can’t believe my doctor even agreed to this! I must not have been truthful as to how much I truly was on my feet. November 17, 2005, Mark and I returned to Bismarck for my regular OB appointment. I had an ultrasound performed. The look on the ultrasound tech’s face gave it away. I knew we were in trouble. My doctor came in the room and told us that they believed something was drastically wrong with our baby girl. They felt her heart was being affected and she was only measuring 23 1/2 weeks, and I was 27 weeks pregnant. The doctor gave us two options 1. Deliver immediately in Bismarck or 2. Be life-flighted to either Billings or Minneapolis to see if they could buy us some more time. We didn’t even have to discuss it. We knew from Bailee being so premature that every day in the uterus, is several days less in the NICU. We chose for me to be life-flighted to Minneapolis. Within 15 minutes, I was being loaded directly from the clinic into an ambulance to take me to the airport to fly to Minneapolis. I didn’t even have to ask, they told Mark that he was not allowed to accompany me. They told him to go home and get our other girls and drive to Minneapolis. Seriously? Mark called my sisters Sheila and Marci as they both lived in Minneapolis. They agreed to meet me at the hospital as obviously I was going to beat Mark by many hours. We said a very tearful and emotional good-bye to one another. The doctor was very concerned and know that Mark was sure he would not make it on time. He was sure he was going to come to the hospital and the baby would be born and she wouldn’t make it. The doctor was not optimistic with what she had seen on the ultrasound. After our good-byes, I was taken to the airport and was flown fix-winged (small plane) to the University of Minnesota Riverside in Minneapolis. I arrived at the St. Paul airport, and they took me by ambulance to the hospital. My sisters were waiting for me, and we all shared an emotional greeting. I was so glad to have family by my side. It was early evening by the time I arrived, and I had nothing to eat or drink all day. They still wouldn’t allow me to have anything until they performed another ultrasound. They performed an ultrasound within 20 minutes of admission. Their technology was more advanced than North Dakota. The doctor came in with the results and he gave me a HUGE sigh of relief. Our baby’s heart was not affected like Bismarck had thought. They did say that she was significantly behind in growth and that they would do all they could to buy days, weeks, or months. They had a plan to do twice daily ultrasounds to check the blood flow in the umbilical cord. They said that if the blood flow slow and starts to “back flow,” that is when she would have to be delivered. So far so good and they said she was measuring at about 1 lb 1 oz. Mark arrived late that evening with Justine, Bailee, and my mom and dad. He was so elated to see that I was ok and I was still pregnant. Once we all got caught up, Mark stayed at the hospital and my parents took our girls to stay at Sheila's house.