God is in Control

Isaiah 60:22 says, “When the time is right, I, the Lord, will make it happen.” God is in control.

Do you easily get frustrated when something does not seem to go your way? Do you feel like often bad things seem to happen to you and your family? It is so easy to get caught up in negativity, especially when something happens that is beyond your control. I know that I write a lot about positivity versus negativity. But life is so much better if you choose to focus on the positivity rather than dwell on negativity. In fact, life is simply too short to focus on bad things.

Recently a friend told us that if something bad is going to happen, it's going to happen to his family. I do not believe there is any truth to that. It all has to do with how you perceive things. Obviously, we have had our share of trials. We could look at them all as a curse or we can look at them in a different light and choose to see the good. I am not saying that you must see the good in absolutely everything, but there are good things that come out of even the worst of any situation. You must choose to look at that silver lining. I know that many may not agree with this and that is ok. I am going to give examples from our life. And yes, you may have heard some or all of this before.

Mark and I went through years of infertility. We learned a lot from this. We learned patience (Mark may disagree with me learning this, but I did...a little anyway). We also learned that God decides when the timing is right. Yes, his timing was much better than ours and we know that now. We also learned a lot about infertility, causes, and treatments and we have shared this with others over the years. We also met some great doctors and nurses during our treatments, and we are proud that we became one of their success stories. We could have seen this as a curse, which at the beginning I did, but later we realized how much we learned from our experience.

We had two micro preemies: Bailee at 26 weeks and Kalli at 27 weeks. Both spent months in the neonatal intensive care unit. We had days that seemed endless, and a lot of tears were shed. We also had many sleepless nights. But we again learned so much. We learned more patience (I think that has always been a lesson God has sent for me). We again met so many wonderful doctors, nurses, and fellow NICU parents. We also became even closer to my sister Sheila, brother-in-law Ron, and my nephews as we stayed with them every week for nearly six months. We learned that life is more precious than we could ever imagine. We learned that even little milestones in a preemie baby are worth celebrating. We learned to lean on each other and God to get us through the bad days and to celebrate the good days. Mark became an honorary nurse (that's what we joked with him about with all of Kalli's complicated medical issues). Justine and Bailee became CPR certified at the youngest age I have ever heard of (7 1/2 and 8). We became an even tighter-knit family. Again, we could have looked at this as a series of bad luck, but we pushed through and chose to look at the positive. Obviously, some days were harder than others, but when we chose joy, things fell into place.

When Mark's nephew committed suicide, it was beyond heart-wrenching. It deeply affected many, including Mark. How could anything good possibly come out of suicide? How could it ever be justified when so many questions remained? This was a very difficult situation that admittedly was hard to find the good. But even out of the darkness of suicide, there was good. So many people came together to honor Tim and so many amazing stories have been shared and reshared over the years. It took Mark eight years, but he finally came to realize that there was nothing he or anyone else could have done differently at the time that would have changed the outcome. Yes, the situation hardened Mark for many years, but it also taught him valuable lessons. It taught Mark that it is ok to feel hurt, angry, and sad. It also taught him that it is also ok to feel joy again and it's ok to go on living. He also learned that talking about Tim was a way to help him through his grief.

483 days ago, I woke Mark from a drunken stupor to confront him about his drinking. I hardly had to get anything out of my mouth and Mark admittedly told me that he had a big problem with drinking. Over the next several days I came to find out just how big of a problem he truly had and just how much he had been hiding from me. My mind told me to run and don't look back. But another voice overcame me, God's voice. He told me to stay, listen, love, and forgive. How could any good possibly come from all the lies Mark had told me? How could I see any positivity from the situation? Over the past 483 days, I have had my shares of ups and down. There are days that I did not think I wanted to go on because my heart hurt so much. When I was this low, God would always send me a sign or a miracle as I like to call it. We have spent a lot of time together these past 483 days, yet I wanted and still want more time. I learn more and more about Mark every day. A year ago, we honestly thought that I could easily die of a heart attack. I had severe chest pains and stomach pains daily. I had lost a significant amount of weight within a short time. I was so anxious and truly thought my days could be limited. Through it all, Mark stood by me. He loved and still loves me unconditionally. Every time I was able to take myself off a sleeping pill, he'd high five me and say how proud he was of me. Every time I was at a low point or severely anxious, he sensed it and would call or text me to make sure that I was ok. He even came home from work during a severe panic attack that I had so he could calm me. God has beyond blessed us. It has been the hardest 483 days of our marriage, but oh so many of them have been AMAZING days! We renewed our faith in God together and we renewed our vows-twice!

We could look back and see this all as a curse again. However, it is not a curse. It is but a mere bump in the road that we needed to make us closer to God and closer to each other. We had lost sight of God and each other and this bump in the road occurred so we could find our way back. Life and its challenges are a lot about perception. Do you want to perceive your bumps in the road as a curse or do you want to try and find the silver lining? There is a lesson to be learned with every situation, good or bad, how you perceive that lesson is up to you.