God’s Battle

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27

No one imagines their life having certain life altering events. No one wakes up one day and says, ”Gee, I hope I become an addict one day or I hope I get to battle depression and anxiety someday.” If we had a choice, I believe most of us would wish a life with no major life altering events, a life of nothing but sunshine and roses (for lack of better analogy). Unfortunately, life is full of twists, turns, and unexpected life altering events. Life is what you make of it. Your life is up to you, so why not make the best of it even when those life altering events occur?

May 20th, I had another counseling session. This session she taught me a lot about addiction as a disease and what part of the brain it affects. Although I had previously researched addiction as a disease, it was nice to hear it from a professional. She also gave me some coping strategies to combat my anxiety. I already had meditation as one of my reliefs if I found anxiety to be a problem. She reminded me to do the old common step of taking several deep breaths in through my nose and letting it out through my mouth. She also told me to count to 10 and then think of why I was feeling so anxious. She said if I found certain triggers, obviously do what I could to avoid those. She said to think of something positive and focus on that one thing. I asked her if she had been talking to my husband. She laughed and asked, "Why?" I told her what she told me was everything Mark had told me. She asked if he suffered from anxiety, and I told her that he did not. When I got home, I asked Mark how he knew so much about anxiety and talking me through it. I asked if he had learned this in rehab. He stated that in fact, he had researched it himself, so he knew how to help me through it. I again asked him, "Who are you and where have you been? This is the man I married. I prayed for so long for you to come back to me." He said to me, "Chel, I am even better than the man you married. I can promise you that and I will NEVER go back to that dark person I had become." The past 3-4 years he had changed more than I realized. He hadn't been as caring, loving, etc. because he was too busy worrying about getting his drinking fix. Mark was back; more empathetic, compassionate, positive, content, loving, optimistic, etc. than he had ever been. I treasure every minute with my newly changed husband.

May 22, Kalli and I met Beve, Grace, Bailee, and Tristan in Fargo for the night. I left Mark alone for the night. I was terrified to leave him alone. I kept thinking,” Would he get the urge to drink? Would he try and get in touch with old drinking buddies?” I let my worries be known to Mark. He placed my hand over his heart, and he placed his hand over my heart. He reminded me that we are always together even when apart. I had to trust in Mark, and it had only been 43 days. I prayed a lot before we left. Kalli had to drive most of the way to Fargo because of my anxiety. We got there safely and picked Bailee up. I cried to her and she had me call Mark. I felt better. I ended up having a great time and I needed to do this for myself. I laughed and truly smiled. I needed this night away more than I realized. And guess what? Mark was fine. He didn’t relapse. He was alive and well and still sober. Yes, I know I am being overdramatic. But that is what anxiety does to me~makes me overdramatize and overthink everything.

It’s funny how 1 night away made us miss each other so much. But we both survived. I realized I needed to let go. I needed (and still need) to take care of myself. If I don’t take care of myself, I am no good to anyone else. ”Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the Godly to slip and fall.” Psalm 55:22-23

By this time, I had completed days 13-17 of the "Dare to Love." A couple days that stand out: day 13 we made rules for arguments together and day 14 we went fishing together. This is what we came up with for rules for arguments.

1. Never go to bed angry.

2. Never mention divorce.

3. One of us will call a "time out" if conflict escalates to a damaging level.

4. We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.

5. We will never touch each other in a harmful way.

6. Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out!

I also found something else very helpful. 6 practical ways to let God heal your marriage. I read them to Mark, and he agreed that these were very good and worth sharing with everyone. 2 Chronicles 20:15 "Thus saith the Lord unto you, be not afraid nor dismayed...for the battle is not yours, but God's."

"If you devote your life to God and dedicate your marriage to Him, the battle becomes God's battle and you become His soldier. All you have to do is listen to God for directions and He will direct your path. He will help you fight the battle and even fight for you. Once you turn the battle over to God, your marriage can heal."

1. “Pray-The vest way to fight any battle is on your knees. That way, you have God as your general. Pray to Him and ask for specific blessings you need. Pour your heart out to Him and let Him know you are dedicated to making your marriage work. Pray for your spouse and ask God to help heal his/her heart. Remember, it's God's battle; He knows exactly what the marriage needs to succeed, so ask Him for it.

2. Be still-When fighting God's battle with Him, sometimes you can do the most good by being still. Let go of the anger, hate, jealousy, and pain, and simply be still Allow His love to wash over you and bring peace to your troubled heart. When you are still, God can speak to you. And, like the perfect general, He will tell you where to be and what you need to do an order for both you and your spouse to win the battle.

3. Trust God-if you want God to be your general, it is vital to trust Him. Be patient as He heals your marriage and be open to those things, He directs you to do. God will do all He can to help your marriage succeed if you turn your marriage over to Him and trust Him.

4. Face the battle-sometimes you may feel running away from difficult things is better than facing them, but this is not the case. when your face hard things with the Lord by your side, you are given the strength and power to overcome them. When you recognize the battle as His, you rely on His strength to fight it. All he asks of you is to face the battle with Him and He will make miracles happen.

5. Let God do the talking-rather than say those hurtful things that often go through your mind in a marriage battle, only say the things that you were led to say through the inspiration of God. if you have the courage to open your mouth, God will fill it with the words you need to say that will help defuse the situation. his words are words of love and kindness. look for the good in your spouse so that you can give him/her words of encouragement and love.

6. Give Thanks-show gratitude to God for walking with you in your battle, and He will continue to guide you. Show gratitude to your spouse for who he/ she is and the strength her/she brings into your marriage. Not only will this open your companions’ heart, but also it will soften yours. showing genuine gratitude is one of the greatest ways to defuse battles. when you learn to see the battle as God‘s battle and not your own, you will have the ability to rely on Him to strengthen and bless you as you strive to strengthen your marriage. God knows what your marriage needs. He wants to bless you with those needs. when you fight the battle with Him, He will heal your marriage and make it whole.”