New Year, New Outlook

"God will carry you through the storm.” Isaiah 42:3

Happy New Year to everyone! I hope each one of you are blessed in the year to come. This past year has been filled with many challenges in our lives and in our marriage. With these challenges, has come growth within us that we didn't know was possible. Together we grew a renewed relationship with Jesus. We also renewed a love within our marriage that is stronger, deeper, and more stable than it has been in years, or maybe than it ever has been. We gained more faith and hope in Jesus, each other, and within our marriage. This has not come easily for us and it did not come without a cost. But the reward has far outweighed what was left in the past.

With the new year, comes new opportunities to make ourselves even better. Do you tend to make New Year's resolutions only not to keep most of them? I don't usually make resolutions but, I did this year. I would call them more goals than resolutions. My goals or resolutions are to be more open and honest about my feelings. The past couple of years or so I have held too much inside and because of this, it was as if part of me died. I want to love more and love deeper. I want to continue to focus on the present and not look back and dwell on past mistakes. Past mistakes are just that and we all can learn and grow from our past. I want to travel more as a couple and a family. It doesn't have to be extravagant trips, but even quick weekend get-a-ways as a couple or family can be so therapeutic. I want to live free of resentments and pray not only the obvious, but also pray for those that would least expect it. I want to learn all I can to be successful in my new job. I want to be there for my husband and my children without fail. These are only some of my goals or resolutions for 2022. I also want to remain positive and portray this positivity to others. I want to make a difference and I want to continue to share "our" story.

This past week has been emotional for several reasons. First, I reflected a lot on this past year. Yes, I relived some of the challenges that we have faced in our marriage, which made me quite emotional at times. But I thanked God for the growth that has occurred in both Mark and I individually, and in our marriage. Honestly, obstacles that we have overcome and the growth we have made is nothing short of miraculous. We believed in each other, and we believed in US, and we are doing well. Mark has maintained his sobriety for nine months and I must say, sobriety looks amazing on him, and I am beyond proud of his success. He takes it a day at a time, and we know that every day is a gift.

Second, I reflected on our friends and family. I thanked God for all our family and good friends. This past year we could have not gotten through it without their love and support. We have shared a lot of good and lasting memories this past year. We will forever be grateful for these memories. We learned that a sober time at the lake, or any time for that matter, is so much more worth it and it is time that will be fully remembered and not be regretted.

Last, this past week Justine has had a bit of a setback, or what we call in the medical world, an exacerbation of her Multiple Sclerosis. About a month ago she started to develop some numbness and tingling off and on in her left side. She got in touch with her neurologist, and he ordered a very extensive MRI. The MRI can only be done in Fargo, and it was not easy to get an appointment scheduled. She had an appointment for last Monday December 27, 2021. The weather was not cooperative, and the MRI was canceled. She rescheduled but is unable to get in until the beginning of February. I was unaware that her symptoms continued as she did not share this with Mark or me. On Wednesday of this past week, she came to Carrington and even ate out with my friend Beve and I. After we ate, she came over and asked if we would keep Paislee for the night. We agreed. On Thursday she called me in the morning and said that she was scared. She told me that she had a lot of numbness and tingling from her face all the way down to her toes on her entire left side. She said her left leg was starting to feel heavy. She said that for the past month it had been occurring off and on, but she did not want to admit it to us. She got in touch with her neurologist on Thursday and he ordered three days of high dose IV steroids. Justine (and us) knew that with the high dose steroids, would come sleepless nights, along with numerous other unkind side effects.

On Thursday, she came to get Paislee from our house and Kalli and Grace stayed with Justine and Justin at the farm to help if needed. On December 31, 2021, Justine went to Jamestown for her steroid infusion. Thank goodness that Jamestown has an infusion center, so she did not have to go to Fargo. She dropped Kalli, Grace, and Paislee off in Glenfield and Mark and I went and picked them up later. We kept Paislee at our house until Sunday. Justine did her three days of IV steroids (1,000 mg each) and came to our house and took Paislee back home with her. She said that she still has the numbness and tingling, but it has not gotten worse. She never lost her ability to walk and when I checked her, I did not feel she had lost any strength on her left side. She feels like she has, but if so, it is not much. She will go to see her neurologist on Friday January 7, 2022. As my new job allows me very flexible days and hours, I will be able to take her to this appointment. Multiple sclerosis is an unforgiving disease. It is unpredictable. As a nurse, I knew that pregnancy could put MS in remission, but once the pregnancy is done, it can bring on exacerbations.

This has brought on more emotional moments for me. I wish I could take away Justine's MS. She is too young and has a baby to care for. I did a lot of praying. A pastor once told me that if I pray for and thank God for even the bad things, it will help alleviate the emotional distress that it causes. I had nothing to lose, and I prayed, and I thanked God for Justine having these symptoms. I thanked him because if she didn't "feel" these symptoms, she wouldn't know that something is wrong. I thanked Him for the extra bonding time that Mark and I would get with Paislee. I also thanked him again for my new job that allows me the flexibility to be able to help Justine out as needed. I also thanked Him for the stars that aligned in the past that brought her to one of the best neurologists in North Dakota that specializes in Multiple Sclerosis. If I didn't have my medical connections, she never would have gotten into this neurologist. So, despite the storm, there is so much to be grateful for. You may be wondering, did thanking God for "the bad" help me emotionally? Honestly, it has helped a lot. I have learned so much through AA and AL-anon and one thing that has helped is the slogan "let go and let God." When I finally took this to heart, I found the serenity that I desperately searched for in the early months of Mark's sobriety. I found the peace that Mark had been talking to me about. It isn't always easy but, with God on our side it is possible. Every day I pray, and I "let go and let God" handle what I cannot control. This my friends, is the way I was able to find serenity. "Brothers I do not consider myself yet to haven taken hold of it. But one thing I do, however, is to forget what is behind me and do my best to reach what is ahead. So, I press on toward the goal for the prize, which is God's call through Christ Jesus to the life above." Philippians 3:13-14

*If all of you reading this would please say an extra prayer for Justine, we would appreciate it!*