On the Road to Recovery

Romans 8:18 “For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.”

Our story continues. My hope is that those reading this are already feeling the positive changes that Mark and I had been making up to this point. Our lives are forever changed because of this awful disease called alcoholism. This disease does not and will not define Mark or our marriage. That is why we are both so determined to share our story. People need to understand the stigma of addiction. Addiction is a disease and it is very real. Now that being said, I will continue with our story.

We went to bed that night and again slept very little. Mark was no longer in withdrawals~praise Jesus that we made it through with no issues because oh how I know how it could have easily gone the other way. By the way, I do not recommend anyone help someone through acute alcohol withdrawal without proper medical help. Continuing on, we were up early and I continued making phone calls and texts to friends and family to let them know what was happening.

Around 10am Mark received the final intake call from a clinician at Hazelden. He put it on speaker and answered all of the questions. She asked about withdrawals, and we told her Mark had already gone through detox. When we told her that it wasn’t done at a hospital, she was none to pleased. She said she wanted to admit him that day for inpatient treatment. We reminded her that we were about 6-7 hours away. She told us they do evening admissions. We told her that we would rather set up a time for Mark to be admitted on Friday at 10 AM. This would give us time to get Kalli out of school and say goodbye and to find someone to give us a ride. Neither one of us were in any shape to drive that far.

(Quote sent to us by our nephew Dylan-this quote will come up several times during Mark’s treatment.)

We called our dear friends, Beve and Aaron, that had just been with us the night before. Aaron told us that he would drive us without question. Beve took it upon herself to make us a hotel reservation within five minutes from Hazelden. I placed a call to our daughter Bailee because I knew most Fridays, she did not have class. She agreed to accompany us to Center City. We updated Justine and she met us at the house to say goodbye. I had pulled Kalli out of school, so she was there to say goodbye also. This was an emotional time for the both of us, along with our daughters. There were so many emotions and so many unknowns. Aaron met us at the house that afternoon and we went on to pick Bailee up at her dorm in Jamestown.

The entire way to Minneapolis, Aaron and Bailee sat in the front while Mark and I sat side-by-side in the backseat. I had brought my Bible from my childhood, and I placed several family pictures and pictures of our girls inside. I wrote a note on the front cover of the Bible, and I made sure to highlight dozens of verses in it for Mark to refer to and I slipped it in his suitcase. I also wrote him a six-page letter. That was one heck of an emotional ride. The both of us cried off and on the entire way. We got to the hotel around 10 o’clock that night. Mark and I took a sleeping pill that I had got prescribed to me right before we left and the four of us talked a bit and then went to bed.

April 16, 2021-Admission day. We were up early. Again, Mark and I got very little sleep but, it was actually more sleep than we had gotten any of the nights prior. The four of us decided to go to a little restaurant to eat breakfast before we went to Hazelden. Mark and I ate very little and when we were all done the four of us went out to the car. I asked Bailee to play the song on my phone~”You Say.” I sat in the back with Mark and I sang the entire song to him. I don’t think there was a dry eye in that car. When I got done, Aaron asked if we believed in signs. Do we believe in signs? Well of course we do! He said he noticed while we were in the restaurant that a van with Hazelden on the side passed by. And right behind that van was a car with a large cross on it. He said, “I think it’s a sign Mark that you are going to the right place and everything is going to work out.” Mark and I both knew it was God letting us know he was and always will be with us, every step of the way.

We continued on to Hazelden where Mark first had to do a Covid test. When he got the negative results, it was time to go to admissions. Mark was trembling in fear, and I just couldn’t stop the tears. He would go talk to somebody then he would come back to us then he would go talk to somebody else and come back to us. Finally, he told us that we had to leave. He said he couldn’t come back anymore knowing that this may be his last time he sees us, and he couldn’t bear it any longer. Bailee, Mark, and I all embraced in a long very emotional good-bye hug. He left the room and Bailee and I embraced and cried. Then the three of us left for home.

I knew this was going to be very difficult. They told us that Mark‘s phone would be taken away. They said he may get it on the weekends for a couple hours but no more. He would need a calling card to call home and he may be able to do that a couple times a week. Due to Covid restrictions, we would never be allowed to visit him. Mark and I had never been away from each other for more than a week and we had never gone more than 24 hours without talking to each other In 28 years. A wave of grief, anxiety, and fear overcame me. How was I going to cope? How was Mark going to cope? How were our girls going to cope?