Renewed Faith

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." Psalm 148:8

I grew up in what I would call a religious family. We went to church every Sunday and Wednesdays all through lent. We were all actively involved with church activities. God and Jesus were always a big part of my life. Mark however, did not grow up in a religious family. That never really mattered to me. I taught him some basic things and he joined Trinity Lutheran Church in Carrington with me the first year we were married. He rarely attended church with me, more so because he worked every Sunday. He went to church on Christmas and events for our kids, but that was the extent of it. He believed in God and Jesus, but never really actively practiced. He always said he had faith and believed, because we have other testimonies I can share later.

For now, I will continue on with the life altering event. Mark and I talked to our old pastor on the phone that night (Tuesday). He prayed with us and gave us hope. We also went to a fellow church members home and she let us spill our guts and she also prayed with us. Both reassured us that they would continue to pray for us. Both suggested we take the next few days off from work and focus on us. We decided to do just that. I called work for the both of us and explained our situation to our boss'. That evening we went and told Mark's sisters and his dad that he had decided to go to inpatient rehab. Lots of tears were shed that night. We went home and then had to talk with Kalli about the plan. She is 15, but she still didn't fully comprehend the extent of what was happening.

That night we talked extensively about our marriage. Mark was worried that I was going to leave him while he was away at rehab. He felt like a failure to me and our girls. He had chosen alcohol over his family for so long that he felt like there was no way any of us could ever forgive him. I told him that in order to make our marriage work and his sobriety to continue, God was going to be a part of both of our lives and our marriage from now on-no exceptions. I told him that if he agreed to this, I would fight for our marriage and our family with everything I have. He agreed and that night we prayed together for the first time in years.

In the middle of the night, Mark started to vomit. He was very sick. I kept thinking, "How could this be happening? He can't be going though withdrawals 5 days after his last drink, can he?" I took Kalli to school and came home and tried to talk Mark into going to the hospital. He insisted he was feeling better. We decided to make several phone calls to friends and other family members to inform them of what was going on and then we headed to our lake home. Mark seemed a little better, but he was extremely pale and now he had the shakes. We got something to eat on the way but neither of us really ate any of it. Mark immediately vomitted what little he had eaten. And then it really began. Mark continued to vomit nonstop for hours and had the shakes bad. I begged him to let me take him to the hospital. He refused. He kept saying, "I can't go because they won't let you stay with me (due to Covid restrictions) and I'd rather die in your arms than go to the hospital where you can't be with me." The nurse in me knew Mark could have a seizure at any time. I knew he needed Ativan, but I didn't have any. We both prayed and cried-nonstop. When one of us was crying, the other was praying. I had never personally witnessed acute alcohol withdrawl. I honestly thought he could die. It went on for hours. This was the most sick I had ever seen Mark-EVER! I needed reinforcement. All you medical people-the nurse in me knew he needed the hospital but my heart knew we needed each other more. Don't worry eventually the both of us got scolded by medical professionals for this. But honestly, I would do it all over again. It was truly the start of the healing of our marriage. This was truly ”in sickness and in health.”

We called on some good friends, Beve and Aaron, who knew what was going on. They were an hour away, but came to us without question. They stopped and picked up some poweraid and broth. When they walked into our cabin they were astounded at just how bad Mark looked and how sick he truly was. They sat with us for hours and Beve mothered Mark until he had drank a full cup of broth and drank some poweraid. They didn't leave until they knew Mark was no longer vomiting. When friends come to you and see you and support you at your worse possible moment in life-that right there is true friendship and we can NEVER thank Beve and Aaron enough.

That day we learned a lot about love and comittment. We both knew we were in it for the long haul, but we also knew we couldn't do it without faith in God. A song kept coming on the TV that day (I had it on low volume and the Christian music station). The song was "You Say" by Lauren Daigle. It played so many times we knew it was God letting us know that he was with us and that everything was going to work out. Mark turning to God and the playing of this song when we needed it the most-were all signs that God was present. Listen to the song below and when you hear the words, you will know why this song has (and still does) so much meaning to Mark and me.