Self-Care and Generations

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life." Psalm 143:8

Life is so busy. It is so easy to get caught up in the chaos and go through the motions. Often, we think that keeping busy helps us out emotionally. I too have been guilty of this. I thought that if I kept busy, it would keep my mind off past things. I thought this was helping me to heal. I was doing so many things to try and heal. I was reading book after book on alcoholism and marriage. I emersed myself in education on so many topics. Together Mark and I prayed daily, did daily devotions, and read out of our Al-Anon and Alcoholics Anonymous books (we continue to do this today). I journaled every single day (I still do this). All these things kept me busy, and they did help me to progress toward healing, but I still struggled.

I finally found an Al-non group I connected with. I started really working the program. I found that I wasn't fully healing because I was missing the most important aspect. I was not truly caring for myself. I did all the things I mentioned above, but I still wasn't doing self-care. I was still worried about others and putting their needs before my own. This process of caring for others first has been engrained within me for so long. I had preemie babies. I had a very sick baby and child. I also lived with an alcoholic and I cared for him. I covered for him in more ways than I ever realized. All the while, I neglected to care for myself. When all of this came to surface nearly 18 months ago, I still halfway held it together because I thrived on chaos. Chaos is what I knew.

When things slowed down and I had time to breath, I didn't know how to do it. Honestly, I unintentionally made myself sicker because my life wasn't so chaotic anymore. I didn't know how to survive within my new normal. When I finally realized that I wasn't really caring for myself, I found a sponsor. Now I have someone to hold me accountable. I have someone who understands and supports me without judgement. I have someone I can talk to about alcoholism and all its entities, and she gets it. She gets me. Yes, I have had Mark and other friends throughout this journey, and I would not be where I am today without all of them. But I needed an even bigger ally. I found this within my Al-Anon group, and I am forever grateful.

I tell all of you this because self-care is so important. Even though we often think that we are caring for ourselves and putting ourselves first, we are not. I have said this before but will say it again. If you were in an airplane and the oxygen masks deployed, would you put on the masks of those around you or yourself first? If you tried to help everyone around you, you would run out of oxygen and you would be in trouble and would be unable to help anyone else, including yourself. If you put on your oxygen mask first, you are fully oxygenated and are then able to help those around you. Essentially, you are better off for putting yourself first. You are better off for you and others around you. I know this is often more easily said than done, but it is so important. I learned this the hard way. I continue to work on self-care. I know that it is not a race, and it takes time. Often I find myself trying to rush even my self-care. It is a process, but I am healing more and more every single day.

Ok, time to give a bit of a family update. It has been a busy couple of weeks at the Finch household. We are so grateful for all our blessings. On Thursday September 22, we went to Bismarck and picked up Bailee and Tristan from the airport. They came to visit for a long weekend. We took Kalli and Paislee with us to pick them up. It didn't take long for Paislee to run into their arms. The next day Bailee and I were able to tag along with Justine and Paislee for Paislee's one-year pictures. That evening we celebrated Paislee's first birthday (a little early) with Bailee, Tristan, and the Johnson crew. We had a fantastic evening and had a lot of laughs. We took Tristan and Bailee back to the airport on Sunday. The visit was quick, but we got a lot packed in and they got to see as many people as they could.

On September 29, our granddaughter Paislee tuned one! Wow! One year has flown by and so much has happened. Being a grandparent is a gift that is truly amazing. We get to watch Paislee hit all her milestones and we cherish the time we get to spend with her. We had a small party for her on Friday September 30. She was more interested in playing with her toys than eating cake. Mark and I took her with us to the lake and had her for the weekend. It is so fun to watch all her enthusiasm. I don't remember a lot with Justine and Bailee in the first couple of years since life was so busy! I wish I had more videos. I wish I had more time. But I guess that is why God has given us generations, so we can relive things again.

So, I want to leave you with this. Do not neglect yourself. You are important and you need to take care of you. If you don't take care of yourself, you are not any good to anyone else. Also, make all the memories you can. Capture these memories with pictures and videos. You can never have too many and someday, you will look back and be so grateful you have those to look back on. Life is short and precious. It can be taken away long before we are ready to say good-bye. Live your best life. Be grateful. Spread joy. Pray often. And for gosh sakes, take the trip and eat the cake!! You won't regret it!

"He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted." Job 5:9