The Courage to Change

"Watch! Stand firm in the faith! Be courageous! Be strong! 1 Corinthians 16:13

Courage is the ability to do something that is difficult or frightens one. Everyone perceives courage somewhat differently. What comes easy to some, is difficult for others. For example, I absolutely love roller coasters. I haven't met a roller coaster that I wouldn't try to ride on. My daughters Justine and Kalli don't particularly like roller coasters. For them, it takes a lot of courage to ride, what I would consider, a wimpy one. Others I know fear anything that has to do with change. They would rather do the same routine every day and not withstand the changes that, often, cannot be avoided. I was always known to embrace change. I have never minded learning or trying new things. However, the past 7 1/2 months, the changes I have been forced to make, have not all come so easily. Not having alcohol is our house was a change that was not difficult at all to make. Changing my whole attitude about life as I thought I knew it, is what has been difficult. I was (and sometimes still am) guilty of feeding into negativity at times. So, changing my mindset to think positively, even on dark days, has not come so easily. I have said it before, it has taken me a lot of soul searching, reading, meditation, and good old-fashioned prayer to get where I am today. I am far from where I want to be, but I consider myself a work in progress. Mark, too, says that he used to feed into the negative. He has made a total 360°. He is very positive and optimistic and does not let things bother him. If he feels like he is getting negative, he takes a break and reexamines things. If he does have moment where he "snaps" at others, he is quick to recognize his wrong and apologize.

Now, I want to touch a bit more on alcoholism. I have educated myself a lot because I want to help break the stigma. I want others to be educated about this disease as well. No one wakes up one day and says, "Yep! Today I am going to start to become an alcoholic or an addict." If alcoholics or other addicts could have stopped, in an instant, what their brain had control over, they would have. If it was only that easy. Alcoholism is when one can no longer control their use of alcohol, compulsively abuses alcohol, despite its negative consequences. Alcoholism has a strong hereditary trait and genetics account for about half a person's risk for developing alcoholism. In the past 6 years, 50% of people that have died of liver disease were alcoholics. More than 2,200 people die each year from alcohol poisoning, of which 75% of these are men. There are many long- and short-term physical effects of alcoholism such as high blood pressure, increased risk of stroke and heart attack, liver disease, pancreatitis, certain cancers (esophageal, colorectal, liver), and an overall weakened immune system. There are several long- and short-term psychological effects of alcoholism such as cognitive problems (memory loss), blackouts, serious brain damage, sleep disorders, depression, and anxiety. There are also a lot of long- and short-term social impacts that alcoholism can cause such as domestic abuse, financial problems, unemployment, homelessness, interpersonal problems (marriage and other relationships), giving up activities one used to enjoy in order to drink, and failing to meet work, school, or home obligations (Morsel, Stacy, 2021 Alcohol.org).

Me, Kalli, Bailee

A lot of you may be wondering if Mark had any long- or short-term effects from his alcoholism. Honestly, he lucked out. I don't say that lightly and I don't mean to make it sound like he got of scot free, because that was not the case. He suffered from GI issues such as past ulcers, heartburn, and diarrhea (all have resolved). He suffered from insomnia, and it has gotten better, but he still has issues. In the last 1-2 years of drinking, he would black out as many as three or so times a week. Mark was known as a "functioning" alcoholic because he was able to hide his excessive drinking from most friends and family and he never missed a day of work due to drinking. He never drank before or during work, always after work. Did alcohol affect his family and friend relationships? Absolutely! He neglected his family. He had a great way of hiding and lying about things. Mark has always been an avid hunter and fisherman. He used this as his excuse to drink. He would tell me he was going to "scout a field" or "scout a local slough or lake." I never questioned where he was going or what he was doing. He used these times to really pound the beer so none of us saw exactly how much he was truly drinking. He also did it this way so he could "hide" or "get rid" of his evidence before coming home. We all knew he liked to drink. None of us knew the extent of his drinking, not his closest friends, not our daughters, and not even me.

Bailee, Tristan, Kalli, Grace, Aaron, Mark, Me

Alcoholics are great at hiding and lying and the more they do it, the better at it they become. Until, one day, they either choose to or are forced to face their disease head on. This is what happened with Mark. I told this in my very first blog. I woke him up from his passed out drunken stupor and confronted him about his change in personality. I didn't even say anything to him about his drinking. He is the one who sat straight up in bed and outright said, ""I have a problem with drinking, and I need help." Mark, at that very moment, was courageous. He faced his greatest fear, admitting he was an alcoholic and needed help. I will forever be grateful for him coming to terms with his disease and seeking help. He admitted later that he was in a fast downward spiral, one that easily could have resulted in a much different outcome. God was with him that day and always. Mark does not even remember admitting this to me, yet he felt compelled to not drink. The very next day he could have easily gone to our fridge and pulled out a beer or taken a beer that was offered by a close friend. Yet, he chose to say no. He only remembers bits and pieces of the next several days, but again he has not had a drink since. Looking back, he doesn't recall many details of the past two years because his drinking controlled him. This is what I have really struggled with since his recovery. Things that were said and done that he can't recall yet are so clear in my mind. I must remember that it's almost like living a different life; a life with the old Mark and a life with the new Mark. Although the new and improved Mark is all I've prayed for and so much more, I still mourn the old Mark. Why? It was who I thought I knew and loved, only to find out that I didn't know him at all.

I encourage all of you to educate yourself on the disease of alcoholism and addiction in general. Learn the risk factors. Learn the signs. Learn the long- and short-term effects. Rid yourself and others of the stigmas. Know that it takes courage to come to terms with any addiction. If you or someone you know and love is struggling with addiction, it is possible to change at any age and at any stage of your life. It is possible and sometimes, that is all an addict needs to hear.

Prayer: "Dear God, Thank you that wherever Jesus went, He brought healing to all who came to Him. Thank you that my faith and expectancy can be settled that it is your will to bring me healing. I will reach out and touch you by faith today for whatever I need. In Jesus' Name, Amen."