The First Step

1 Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

Obviously, the life altering event and story does not end where I left off. In fact, it really is only the beginning and as I continue, my hope is to inspire others. Honestly by sharing things we have learned along the way; I hope to make a positive impact on someone’s life. I hope that our stories and testimonies will compel someone so much that they will want to make a positive change individually and/or in their marriage.

So, now that you know our condensed story of what lead up to Mark’s asking for help, I will continue. The next couple of nights we got basically zero sleep. We talked about Mark getting professional help. He insisted that he was strong, and he wanted to try and quit drinking on his own. I am a nurse and I am human, but I have never dealt with addiction. I also know that trying to fight addiction without professional help is more often than not, unsuccessful. I knew he needed my support more than ever if this was going to work. I also knew he needed a backup plan.

I placed a call to Hazelden Betty Ford. I knew the first step was to see if insurance covered inpatient rehab. The woman on the other end of the phone was so kind and she listened to me as I cried and poured my heart to her. She reassured me that someone would get back to me the next day regarding insurance (I called on a Sunday). She also reminded me what I already knew, Mark would have to make the actual call if he wanted to go to rehab. I had voiced my concerns to Mark that I thought he needed inpatient treatment and he continued to want to “do it on his own.” Monday I got a text from Mark, asking if I had called a rehab facility because he had a voicemail on his phone asking him to call back. Mistake #4563, I did not let Mark know I had even called. I called Mark and told him that I had placed a call just to see if insurance would cover. I told him we needed a backup plan and only he could make the call to be admitted. He was not the most pleased, but he gave me the number to call back. I called and they said that our insurance fortunately did pay for inpatient rehab, we would just have to meet our deductible first. Good thing because otherwise the cost of the rehab would have been $45,000-$50,000. Honestly, I didn‘t care how much it cost. How can you put a price on Mark‘s life? How can you put a price on our marriage? I would have done whatever I could to find the money to make it work. But I am getting a little ahead of myself.

Monday the 12th we had both gone to work. It was not easy to go to work and pretend like nothing was happening at home. To make matters worse, neither of us had slept more than an hour or two in days. We made it through, but we were both emotional wrecks.

The following is part of a text I sent Mark.

I love you with all of my heart and soul. I am struggling and have been doing a lot of praying. I am praying for us as a couple-that we can grow from this and become an even stronger and more loving couple. I am praying for you-that you overcome any inner demons you may have. I pray that you remain open and honest with me no matter what and I pray that I will do my best to remain nonjudgemental. I pray that you do truly have the strength and willpower to quit drinking. Know that you are not alone. I am here. I am not leaving. I truly love you with all of my heart--always have and always will. ❤️~Chel

(Family picture taken April 4, 2021)

Tuesday the 13th we both went to work and again we both had a sleepless and emotional night. We decided to call Justine and Bailee and fill them in because up until this point, we had not said a word to any of our girls. We both left work early for the day. We went for a drive and did a lot of talking. It was an extremely emotional time. I picked up my phone and I looked at Mark and I said, “Are you finally ready?” And he nodded his head yes and together we called Hazelden Betty Ford. He put the phone on speaker as they did an intake on him. This is where I learned how much and how long he had truly been drinking. I also learned how dark of a hole he truly was in.

He hung up after they told us they needed to make sure a bed was available in the Center City, MN facility. They also told us that a clinician would call Mark within 48 hours to do a final intake. We were both wrecks. I had no idea Mark had been consuming the amount of alcohol (all beer) that he was. As you may know, alcoholics are great at hiding, lying, sneaking, etc. I felt like a Mac truck had hit me. I was shocked, hurt, angry, and so much more. I looked over at Mark. I saw the look of hurt and fear and regret in his eyes. I knew I had to control my emotions because he was ready to break. I knew it could go South fast and I knew we both needed to talk to someone, like yesterday.